Findings on the wall

What I found in facebook today…

I have friends and family all over the world. Some are still part of my life, others have shared the path with me at some other high points of life. There’s a trickle of friends from high school, and the medical adventure gang. There is that family we built a million years ago in London, where all we had was our school and each other, and the family that runs through the blood. Friends from the beachtown of my heart. Friends that are not in facebook or no longer here.

My friends come from all places, all colors, different languages and religions. The people I have loved and love still are a single father or mother, divorced or married, believers, atheists and in-betweeners, gay, straight or undecided, political, left, right, extreme or somewhere in the middle, lazy, active, fat, thin, gorgeous…I even know a siren 🙂

This is the composition of my heart.

I found hate speech in my wall today disguised under the posts of the righteous.

I found hate and it breaks my heart.

But I also found a message of unity, an invitation to discover how we are all the same. I will use this message to learn tolerance beyond my endurance, to heal what is broken, to commit every single week to share something to remind us all how we are all the same.

Blessed Be!

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Published in: Uncategorized on June 10, 2016 at 2:58 pm  Leave a Comment  

Online Dating

 

How is this different from real life? Not much difference.

I don’t know how to date in the physical or the virtual plane.

I missed out on that part of my education where I was supposed to learn how to flirt. How to understand the “silent” meaning behind the words and to add insult to injury, I am somewhere between terminally shy, deeply respectful or monumentally stupid.

 

Can I ask someone I like too much to have ____________ with me (coffee/lunch/dinner/drink)… no.

Can I invite myself to visit a guy just because I want to, knowing he has responsibilities, a job, children and so on…. no.

Shyness, respectfulness… it will all turn into idiocy (mine obviously) as it fades away.

 

Men I meet do not ask straight out…

– do you want to go out for ___________ ?

– do you want to meet?

 

I start this week with that sad feeling of losing someone that matters.

In slow motion

 

 

And  I am so blessed to know people that inspire the smile, the heartbeat and the dream. 🙂

 

Blessed Be.

Published in: on April 28, 2014 at 3:34 pm  Leave a Comment  

My Journal 2014

 

Some years ago I got the brilliant idea of becoming a mother and bringing this about any way possible. Any Way Possible did not include sex with strangers…actually, it didn’t include sex with anybody 😀 I went to a fertility clinic. I had the tests, had blood drawn, the pathway checked and the catalogue shown. Then I met someone and I thought that it was a sign from God to let life be and forget the catalogue. The divine sign (and the guy) disappeared just like the bat signal in the sky… puff!

Now I see the true divine signs.. I woke up having an epiphany. If I am a woman that gets in a relationship every thousand years it was kind of hard to get in the “family” way 🙂

Nowadays it’s also complicated to get complicated when the man with whom I’ve had the most conversations with in a whole year is undoubtedly platonic… what to do… I am not brave enough to ask him out and he (surely) lives secretly resisting my charms.

 

Dedicated to all the beautiful friends that were there during my “I want to be a mom” phase… I love you guys!

 

Blessed Be!

 

Published in: Uncategorized on February 15, 2014 at 1:31 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Dialogues with Cute Men II

Words are beautiful, and yet, sometimes the most magical conversations are silent.

– A glance across the room that gives the inspiration needed to finish the class with cheer

– An SMS from across the world saying “hi” or “😀”

– That brief moment when a man lowers his eyes to your lips while you’re talking.

I love this magic.

Blessed Be

Published in: Uncategorized on November 25, 2013 at 10:31 pm  Leave a Comment  

Dialogues with Cute Men I

 

So there he was… a drop dead gorgeous guy sitting in my dinning room and later, dinner at a nice restaurant. He is sitting in front of me, looking at me in the eyes and telling me exactly what he is looking for in a woman.

 

😀

 

 

Sounds great, right?

 

Well… he is actually one of my beautiful cousin’s closest friends and the three of us are chatting the night away. The nice restaurant is in the neighborhood where my breathtaking dentist lives and in the far recesses of my mind I am dreaming of running into him.

 

Back in the conversation, I realize I haven’t been in many relationships and  it is forever fulfilling to listen to what others have learned so far in their own lives. Listening to Mr. Cute made me wonder if I know my mind that well. If I can have the certainty of everything I want in a prospective partner. He was saying that ideally, we should start by showing right away the whole package. To start by letting the “may-be-significant” other know right away what the baggage we are carrying is all about. A time saving measure… to begin with.

 

I try to imagine what it feels like, see my hands holding my heart naked, feel my eyes with soul bearing truth in them. I can feel the moment of showing the pain to someone else. I can feel the fear and the uncertainty. Makes me wonder if the world is really like that or ready for all of us to go about our soul-bearing ways 🙂

 

The Joy seems easier 😀

 

Conversations that are truly food for thought wrapped in a sweet package 🙂

 

 

So, besides feeling thankful for being able to have happy thoughts about my doctor dentist I feel deep gratitude for the perfect moment where I am sitting with two beautiful people sharing a perfect moon and a perfect night.

 

Thanks!

 

Blessed be.

 

Published in: on November 19, 2013 at 2:00 am  Leave a Comment  
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Patience

Patience: the ability to wait for something that is deeply wanted.

 

“Wait for me”

 

I am not sure if I could ask that of someone.

 

It is asking to trust during the silence

To believe from the darkness

To hope while standing with empty hands

To go on without a map or a northern star.

 

To wait is to believe with my heart and soul that the possibility of greatness exists in my life

I am in awe of the depth of the fear and the joy within.

 

I take a peek and I find her inside. Little me playing with my heart, full of glee. She looks at me with big brown eyes, questioning, telling me…She is willing if I am.

 

She is waiting, I wonder if I am. 🙂

 

Blessed be!

Published in: on June 29, 2013 at 3:19 pm  Leave a Comment  

What happens to Love?

Once upon a time I fell in love with a poet… yes… it was a long long time ago in a galaxy far far away… after all, it was my first “once upon a time”, the first time I felt “in love”, the first crush coming to life.

A short time ago, he asked me if I still had a tape he recorded for me, that took me to a power trip into my inner happy hoarder’s heart, and started opening the boxes I had been storing for the decade I spent moving around.

I remember the tape came along with a bag of candies (candy corn) and a stuffed bunny (Bambi’s Thumper to be exact). So I have found and showered Thumper and walked down memory lane, through 6 years of letters.

While I was reading, I started wondering where all that love goes. All those intense, short and amazing flares of love that have enlightened my path and my life. I just think that there should be some kind of love “heaven”. A beautiful place where all the love that’s been can go to rest and flourish. All the love that leaves it’s tracks through white pages and flurry friends… all the hopes and the future plans… all the dreams, should have a special place to live on, for the beauty they gave, for one moment… once upon a time.

And the tape… still MIA.

Blessed Be.

Published in: on June 1, 2013 at 3:46 pm  Leave a Comment  

First Time

 

Last night I dreamt I met someone. I felt the excitement you feel when you see someone you like for the very first time and that smile that pulls your whole face, from ear to ear. 

We walked hurriedly, holding hands, as if we wanted to get somewhere, and that somewhere was an old movie theater, dark, huge with the screen far away and him looking for a place to sit all the way to the back. He was going to kiss me…

 

And when my heart was beating a mile a minute… I woke up.

 

It made me think about those magic moments, when you look at someone and keep the conversation with your eyes. To listen and find that moment when you discover you like or love or wish to love. That instant when you stop listening, a kiss crosses your mind and you are the only one that knows it.

 

The moment that happens with someone that you’ve seen a thousand times, or someone you’ve only dreamt about but never seen, or someone new that surprises you… and the moment thrills just like the very first time.

 

😀

 

 

Be Blessed

 

Published in: Uncategorized on January 30, 2013 at 2:41 am  Leave a Comment  

Chicken Curry

I am going to prepare a chicken curry.

 

To do it, I marinate the chicken the night before with a yogurt and garam masala marinade. Last night I found I had run out of it, so I took out my olive wood mortar and pestle, all the seeds and I started grinding my garam masala.

 

I turned the music on and I danced, sang and ground and ground, and the smell of each spice exploded in my nose. The coriander, which doesn’t look like much, took me to green fields, recently mown. The clove playing the indestructible spice and the pepper tingling my nose. And my great discovery, I found, after ten years, the quick and easy way to peel the cardamom pods.

 

It only took me ten years 🙂

 

Right now, living in my kitchen are faraway lands, all the teachings and my first teachers, my cooking guides, and every single person that has shared the love of being between these walls that switch places, but are built with each spice, each taste, each disaster and each laugh.

 

Thank you.

 

Blessed Be

 

Published in: Uncategorized on January 4, 2013 at 3:29 pm  Leave a Comment  

Ghosts

 

I am surrounded by natural medicine and holistic pathophysiology books. My notes and notebooks of the things I study and my kindle filled with the dime novels I love to read. There’s a storm and in my silence I listen  to the rain falling and the sky thundering away.

 

I remember one night, a few years back, I was at my favorite hangout and feeling alone. One of those nights when a hug would be welcome or someone holding my hand. 

That night I was texting a friend, telling him about my unwillingness to be alone… 

 

-”You don’t have to, stay over at my place… that’s what friends are for, silly”.

 

Someone shared with me a bit of his space to chase away the ghosts and that doesn’t happen every day.

 

I love my space… but today, those ghosts want to scare me again. I am going to close my eyes and imagine a hug or a hand… or maybe someone sharing the silence and the space. With these imaginings I smile and it’s the smile what starts making the darkness go away.

 

Blessed Be

 

Published in: Uncategorized on October 11, 2012 at 3:49 am  Leave a Comment